The clock just barely hit 4pm and my stilettos were hitting the pavement towards my car, I was so happy to be off work. Being able to get off and decide how I wanted my night to go was love. I could hit the gym, read, or just scroll through Instagram to get ideas for my next outfit. However, as social media began to grow with influencers and businesses, my 9-5 felt started to feel like it wasn’t enough. I was suddenly surrounded by nothing but entrepreneurs. Photographers, boutique and beauty bar owners, stylists, etc. Everyone had a side hustle and here I was just working my regular job. Then boom, there it was, discontent.
My job wasn’t my dream job but it paid great and I was able to find time to travel and save money. However, I didn’t feel like I was accomplishing much next to my peers. They were chasing their dreams and becoming successful and I just felt ordinary. I was questioning my purpose, was I truly happy? Was this it for me? I couldn’t think of anything I had a real interest in and being single made it that much worse because I didn’t know what to do with my free time. I didn’t have a hobby outside of working out, reading, and eating and I couldn’t be a professional reader for a living. Then I entered the land of I don’t knows, which is a place where every question is literally answered with I DON’T KNOW. I had accomplished my goal of being a successful business woman but that was it. No passion. I was clueless as to what I was meant to do here on earth and watching everyone excel around me made me feel less than.
During this period, I began to look back at things that I loved when I was a child, hoping to find that passion. Animals were always my first love. I wanted to be a marine biologist but at this age that was pretty unrealistic to tap into because who was about to go back to school, not me. Then I remembered how much I loved marketing, so I figured I’d help others promote their business. After I took on my first client, I realized how much I was not a people person and having to constantly be at the client’s beck and call was not the move. So that was definitely a no for me. After digging deep, I came across my old childhood journals. I’d often make up stories and write books to entertain myself because being an only child at the time got boring lol. This triggered something in me, so I began to trust myself and write.
I literally sat in the floor and just wrote about what I was feeling, things I was dealing with, and it started out as journaling but I realized how much I enjoyed it. I felt crazy because I discovered something I enjoyed but I didn’t feel like it would make me any money. And clearly, I needed a business of some sort to keep up with the Jones’s. Then, I asked myself why. Why did it have to be based around money? Why can’t I just write because I love it? It truly was my passion and no business card or llc would make me feel better about it. Why was I judging myself so harshly because I chose a different path? My journey was destined to be different but why is it so hard for me to just trust MY journey? God was showing me that I had a gift of writing and because I felt like it wasn’t going to be profitable, I didn’t want to pursue it. At that time, I would’ve rather done something I hated just to make money but instead I decided to trust my gut and just go with it.
This also translated into other areas of my life outside of my career path. I was still wondering why I was single but seeing all of the unhealthy relationships around me, I trusted that God was saving me for so much more. Most people my age are buying homes but instead I saved money to get out of debt, because I knew that I truly did not want a home yet no matter what society standards were. I started to look at everything from the perspective of my journey is different and unique to me and I don’t have to be like anyone else. It is hard to look at yourself in the mirror and just say “This is what I want”. It sounds easy, but look around your home, did you buy everything because you truly wanted it or because you felt like you needed it. It’s ok to be influenced or inspired but what is your core reasoning behind it all. The hardest part about it is that you can’t compare your destiny to someone else’s. Your path will never be as easy or as difficult as the next person’s but you can trust God and yourself.
Ultimately, I was able to find peace. Writing became my outlet, which led to a blog that helped me realize that others saw my talent as well. After a few published articles, I felt better about trusting my own journey and following my heart. Finding your purpose or passion is not going to be an easy road for everyone, just start by doing things that actually make your soul smile. You will know the warm hearted feeling you get when you find that thing you love. Follow that feeling and I promise you will always find happiness in your journey even if it is different from the norm.