Oh hey big head, What’s up stranger, Damn it’s like that, etc. The favorite lines of your not so favorite throwbacks aka old flings. For some reason, they think it is still ok to hit you with these wack ass conversation starters. When you are single, it seems like all your throwbacks tend to surface from time to time. In my case they would either resurface or I would try to bring the past back to the present.
Like many women, I used to keep plenty of dudes in my back pocket in case of a rainy day. Some from college, actual ex – boyfriends, f*ck buddies, and the pool of friendzoned guys. One particular year of my singleness became super rough. I found myself lonelier than ever and I decided to go through my 127 unread messages to find someone I could “figure it out” with. Bad idea.
I had just remembered my high school crush decided to move back to our hometown and we always had a little thing for each other. We dated a little in college and after college but it never really flowed into a full blown relationship. So I decided to hit him up and see what he was up too aka seeing if he was available. For the longest, he said it was distance that stopped our relationship from growing and now that he was practically in my backyard, I just knew it was on.
We would text every day and I told him we had never really went on a real date. He agreed and advised we would go out that weekend. However, he didn’t confirm which day or time, but I didn’t think much about it. Thursday came around and I just wanted to confirm said date because he hadn’t brought it up. Now realistically, someone who is serious about you would give you a time and date to ensure you were actually going out. – He responded with “Oh I’m going out of town but I should be back Saturday or Sunday, so we should be good. Again, still no confirmation. I simply agreed and just told him to call him when he got back. Bad Idea.
Saturday afternoon rolls around and I still hadn’t heard from him, so I’m like oh maybe he’s busy and I call. No Answer. I try again a few hours later. Nothing. But low and behold he’s on snapchat posting videos of him driving home. Instead of being the smart and cut a ninja off quick type of chick that I am, I acted like a desperado and decided to text him the next day trying to hear his excuse. He acted like we never had plans and was like sorry I didn’t remember making a date with you it was an honest mistake. Needless to say, I remembered exactly why we never worked out. He was always full of excuses every time we tried to figure things out.
You would think I learned my lesson at this point. Nope sure didn’t. I still kept going. Tolerating dates from dudes in the friendzone I never really liked because I was bored. I was hanging out with my exes, who I knew wanted me back just to feel like I was back in control again. I was even to the point of sending mixed signals to old flings, just to keep my phone out of a drought. Shit got real.
As I filled my time with the past. I realized that I wasn’t giving the present room to grow. I couldn’t even give a new dude the time of day because I was too caught up in trying to reconnect with the past. Also, you grow up! You have no clue who those dudes are at this time, they may have gotten worse over the years. They may have even more baggage than they did before, you never know what you are inviting back into your space. Think about all of the work you have done on yourself, how much you’ve changed, and do you feel like going back to what you already left behind?
Always focus on your growth and your self-respect because some chapters are meant to stay closed.