Love & Dating

What Do You Expect?

We have so many expectations of people we have never met. We expect everyone to be nice, kind, trustworthy, etc. But what do we expect from ourselves? Too often we forget to be the person we want others to be. Have you ever cursed someone out for not moving quick enough when the light turns green? But as soon as someone beeps at us, we lose our minds! I’m definitely guilty of it. If you truly think about it, we don’t hold ourselves to super high standards, we are always the exception. As a single woman, I already knew what I wanted in my future husband and what he should bring to the table. I also knew the type of woman I was, so it was only a matter of time for him to find me. Until the tables turned.

One day I was asked by one of my close male friends, do you even know what type of woman you want to be? I sat there dumbfounded for like 5 minutes because I couldn’t answer the question. I knew who I was but I was still a work in progress. Little did he know, for the next few weeks I sat in my room still dumbfounded trying to figure out who in the world I wanted to be. It led me down a path of what qualities I wanted to possess and what about me at the current time needed work. Ironically, it hit home spiritually as well. Especially when a YouTube video of Rev. Cornelius Lindsey from Gathering Oasis Church popped up on my feed asking “Would you marry you?” I honestly had to say that I would not have married myself at that moment.


I had to dig deep, like really deep and do some soul searching. The first word I thought of was Happy. I wanted to be truly happy with myself, my life, and my portion. My portion, meaning what I was blessed with and what I currently have. Sometimes, we look at what everyone else has and we forget about the great things we already have. Also, to be genuinely happy for others achievements and successes without feeling a way about my own life.


Then comes finance. Was I currently in a financial position to support myself if anything was to happen (ex: layoffs, car breaking down)? It made me realize that I had some serious saving goals to meet and that my budget was not set in stone like it should be. Money was being spent on things I didn’t even need. How can you expect someone else to have this financial stability when you can’t even bring it yourself?


Lastly, I thought about my character. Although some aspects of your character don’t change but there are always things we should improve on. Patience was my biggest issue, I wanted things on my time at all times. What I didn’t notice is that my impatience caused an unnecessary rush around me. It caused anger when it wasn’t needed and that time I spent being upset could’ve been used on something that made me happy. I say that to say, we have a character list of what we want in a partner and often times we don’t assess ourselves first.

As I recognized the areas of my life that needed work, I then set up a plan to do the work necessary to make myself a better person. Overall, I am thankful for the outcome. Identify things that may be hindering your growth and become the person you are praying for.


Leave a Reply